Why did Bright Eyes only make one good album anyway? How mean is that.
Practice went really well this week, along with some good developments in coding the website for my clan. Mostly just enjoying life. Its really nice out and I'd like to maybe go downtown and play my guitar on state street. Im too shy to do it alone I'd need a backup singer haha.
I have the craft cup in a couple hours, 1st place takse 50$ so hopefully I can snag it this week. Last week I made it all the way to the finals before throwing it!
Ive been really in love with Defiance, Ohio again lately. God, how do they do it? Its like, the best ever lyrics ever. That coupled with Bright Eyes and Danielle ate the Sandwich is seriously enough to make me cream my panties all day.
Sarah is in Chicago this weekend for...a thing, of some kind. I feel guilty because Im not exactly sure what shes doing but shes hanging out with her BFF Kyle (how ironic) and seeing some music she likes with him. Either way I get a weekend of mass SC2 so it works out OK. Though I do miss seeing her already hehe.
Sarah is really cool in a weird way. Shes so human O_O;;
-John
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
We're talented and bright // We're lonely an uptight
The last couple days have been nice. Been playing in lots of SC2 tournaments, made it to the semi-finals of won and scored 75$ (whoohoo!)and lost to OHSHIFT 0-2. My TvP matchup is really mediocre right now. In fact, the only matchup I really like playing and feel very confident about is TvZ, but I need to work on that.
I got to hang out with Sarah a bunch on Tuesday night (I slept over) which was cool. We got pizza de roma at like 2am and watched this crazy tv show about the Metal Apocalypse. O_O
Ive been working for iCCup TV for a couple weeks now and Im really displeased with how a lot of it is progressing. Pat from iCCup wants me to be their golden goose of some sort, basically the 'voice' of iccup, but I really want to be a top tier player, not a top tier commentator. =(
Anyway, I haven't spent any time with anyone ever that isnt Madison, Sarah, or Collin in like two months. Im starting to feel like I have no friends haha. =P
I got to hang out with Sarah a bunch on Tuesday night (I slept over) which was cool. We got pizza de roma at like 2am and watched this crazy tv show about the Metal Apocalypse. O_O
Ive been working for iCCup TV for a couple weeks now and Im really displeased with how a lot of it is progressing. Pat from iCCup wants me to be their golden goose of some sort, basically the 'voice' of iccup, but I really want to be a top tier player, not a top tier commentator. =(
Anyway, I haven't spent any time with anyone ever that isnt Madison, Sarah, or Collin in like two months. Im starting to feel like I have no friends haha. =P
Sunday, April 4, 2010
I'm unconsoled, I'm lonely, I am so much better than I used to be.
Hello blog.
Its been some time, really. I haven't really needed you, or wanted you but that's the nice thing about blogs (and friends, I suppose) that they're there when you want them, and now early in the morning after sleeping for 3 hours (I couldn't sleep much for once, no clue why) I am blogging. Maybe I'll do it more, or maybe I won't, we'll see.
Live has been extremely busy, especially for someone who claims to have a laid back life style, who's barely worked a day in his life, and for someone who cares far too little about responsibility, or being adult, or anything like that. Starcraft 2 is out, and after committing what seems like the better part of my life locked up in a cold basement playing a 2d strategy game I am now spending the 2nd half of the better part of my life locked up in my apartment playing a 3d strategy game and making a fair bit of money doing so. Sure I made money the first time around, but nothing like I'll be raking in now. I can't decide if its worth it though, its almost depressing as I pass in skill player after player pushing the limits of this game already. I got to rank 2 in a week. What the hell?
Nothing much has changed about me dear. I still sleep like a rock for 10 hours or more if left alone, I rarely do things I'm supposed to do or that I'm responsible to do, I'm a flake and care more about my 'job' and gaming than I do other people, and I still feel guilty for not being in school. Really, nothing much has changed, except that I'm happy. I feel like that has to account for something in the world. You know, I try to keep the apartment clean, I take care of Butters and see Sarah from time to time. She says she loves me.
Resentment for what you've done in the past, or things you could have been or done is deeply the most troubling thing I've ever experienced really, and now that I'm past it and able to act with a certain clarity I don't feel I've had since high school. I realize that I may not be the best boyfriend right now, and Starcraft 2 seems like a silly thing to commit my time to, and maybe I'm just a boy and that girl will never be right for me. Those with college educations and real jobs just levels above me, I really can't say right now. I haven't written a poem in months.
It all seems to be a complicated dream of dignity. A place where awkward belongs. =)
---
Her fingers dragged on the seams
of my slim jeans, a network of
tiny gaps and grids. A maze
for germs, or a place to
stare blankly at an endlessly
repeating pattern.
The four was never a hybrid
bus, it was decrepit; the ghetto
lined with the humiliation of age,
guzzling gasoline on the poorly paved
tar streets of Madison. It still had
that electric robot voice though,
"Oak, at East Washington."
The bus was a real gentlemen. She
had paid for dinner again and
I had slept through our plans.
My excitement dwindled, I could
do very little about the persistent
tapping of my chucks against the
plastic flooring of the bus.
She wrapped her arms around my
ribcage. I always missed that feeling
the most.
Its been some time, really. I haven't really needed you, or wanted you but that's the nice thing about blogs (and friends, I suppose) that they're there when you want them, and now early in the morning after sleeping for 3 hours (I couldn't sleep much for once, no clue why) I am blogging. Maybe I'll do it more, or maybe I won't, we'll see.
Live has been extremely busy, especially for someone who claims to have a laid back life style, who's barely worked a day in his life, and for someone who cares far too little about responsibility, or being adult, or anything like that. Starcraft 2 is out, and after committing what seems like the better part of my life locked up in a cold basement playing a 2d strategy game I am now spending the 2nd half of the better part of my life locked up in my apartment playing a 3d strategy game and making a fair bit of money doing so. Sure I made money the first time around, but nothing like I'll be raking in now. I can't decide if its worth it though, its almost depressing as I pass in skill player after player pushing the limits of this game already. I got to rank 2 in a week. What the hell?
Nothing much has changed about me dear. I still sleep like a rock for 10 hours or more if left alone, I rarely do things I'm supposed to do or that I'm responsible to do, I'm a flake and care more about my 'job' and gaming than I do other people, and I still feel guilty for not being in school. Really, nothing much has changed, except that I'm happy. I feel like that has to account for something in the world. You know, I try to keep the apartment clean, I take care of Butters and see Sarah from time to time. She says she loves me.
Resentment for what you've done in the past, or things you could have been or done is deeply the most troubling thing I've ever experienced really, and now that I'm past it and able to act with a certain clarity I don't feel I've had since high school. I realize that I may not be the best boyfriend right now, and Starcraft 2 seems like a silly thing to commit my time to, and maybe I'm just a boy and that girl will never be right for me. Those with college educations and real jobs just levels above me, I really can't say right now. I haven't written a poem in months.
It all seems to be a complicated dream of dignity. A place where awkward belongs. =)
---
Her fingers dragged on the seams
of my slim jeans, a network of
tiny gaps and grids. A maze
for germs, or a place to
stare blankly at an endlessly
repeating pattern.
The four was never a hybrid
bus, it was decrepit; the ghetto
lined with the humiliation of age,
guzzling gasoline on the poorly paved
tar streets of Madison. It still had
that electric robot voice though,
"Oak, at East Washington."
The bus was a real gentlemen. She
had paid for dinner again and
I had slept through our plans.
My excitement dwindled, I could
do very little about the persistent
tapping of my chucks against the
plastic flooring of the bus.
She wrapped her arms around my
ribcage. I always missed that feeling
the most.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
A Fearless Inventory
A Fearless Inventory
Laying on top of her back
it was in moments like these
that I am terrified. Those sharp
beating steps of my heart thumping
at her shoulder blade. My lips
are a softer flesh, like any flesh
demanding friction.
I am terrified of telling
someone over the phone that
I will not come and see you because
it is not convenient for me, and no
matter how much I tell you I still
like you I can't bring myself to
walk a third of a mile to make you smile.
I will decline to explain to my roommate
or to anyone else that the sickness that
was given to me is terrifying, or that
it rots me from the inside like termites
and eventually I will be nothing if I
cannot control myself.
I am terrified that "She" will fail,
that no one cares about she, or her,
and although I never say the names
of you in my work, you will be lost
forever in encrypted layers of data
attached to a five year old computer.
If my memory and knowledge are my
most important things, then I am
terrified of losing them. A sickness,
this Alzheimer's or dementia, I am
losing my mind considering it.
Laying on top of her back
it was in moments like these
that I am terrified. Those sharp
beating steps of my heart thumping
at her shoulder blade. My lips
are a softer flesh, like any flesh
demanding friction.
I am terrified of telling
someone over the phone that
I will not come and see you because
it is not convenient for me, and no
matter how much I tell you I still
like you I can't bring myself to
walk a third of a mile to make you smile.
I will decline to explain to my roommate
or to anyone else that the sickness that
was given to me is terrifying, or that
it rots me from the inside like termites
and eventually I will be nothing if I
cannot control myself.
I am terrified that "She" will fail,
that no one cares about she, or her,
and although I never say the names
of you in my work, you will be lost
forever in encrypted layers of data
attached to a five year old computer.
If my memory and knowledge are my
most important things, then I am
terrified of losing them. A sickness,
this Alzheimer's or dementia, I am
losing my mind considering it.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Am I just a lightning rod, or am I still breathing?
Hi blog.
Life has been oh so fun lately! And by oh so fun, I pretty much feel like killing myself right in this current moment. But what could be afflicting me so? You, reader, will never know.
The last few days have gone by pretty quickly. I don't make many plans for the coming week as my magical cards schedule is quite devoid of much activity at all. Either way, yesterday was Madison's birthday so we went out to TGI fridays. Madison is 21 so he had a lot too much to drink. I enjoyed my mediocre burger of sorts while mostly shooting the shit with Nicole and Madison the whole time.
The day prior involved going over to Sarah's to watch a couple movies of the Starwars trilogy, drink beer, and hang out with her immobile roommate Chris, who broke his leg. It was really entertaining rewatching Starwars (hadn't seen them in some time) and then we basically slept and spent the entire next day in bed, which was pretty awesome.
Gotta pay rent tomorrow, have to do the dishes. Sarah and I have plans on Tuesday which is fun.
Life has been oh so fun lately! And by oh so fun, I pretty much feel like killing myself right in this current moment. But what could be afflicting me so? You, reader, will never know.
The last few days have gone by pretty quickly. I don't make many plans for the coming week as my magical cards schedule is quite devoid of much activity at all. Either way, yesterday was Madison's birthday so we went out to TGI fridays. Madison is 21 so he had a lot too much to drink. I enjoyed my mediocre burger of sorts while mostly shooting the shit with Nicole and Madison the whole time.
The day prior involved going over to Sarah's to watch a couple movies of the Starwars trilogy, drink beer, and hang out with her immobile roommate Chris, who broke his leg. It was really entertaining rewatching Starwars (hadn't seen them in some time) and then we basically slept and spent the entire next day in bed, which was pretty awesome.
Gotta pay rent tomorrow, have to do the dishes. Sarah and I have plans on Tuesday which is fun.
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