I'm moving on - I hope you're coming with me

=O

Arggggg, so bored!

I started this post last night before I was to go to sleep, but ended up lacking the motivation to really finish it. Perhaps because nothing too exciting has been happening in life, or because I was too busy being constantly pestered to game by my Internets friends.

So it turns out since financial aid is crushing my soul by being total assfaces for no reason, I need to come up with 1300$ out of pocket to keep attending school. I have a few reasonable options but all of which involve asking relatives for money, and I genuinely refuse to do to. The final option is to wait until...you know, and then go to school, but I feel like I've taken enough time off school for gaming stuff and I really just want to be hammering 6 classes a semester until I'm caught up. Ideally I'd like to graduate as early as possible (still behind my class if I were to have started out of HS unfortunately) by taking maximum classes a semester and summer courses. Either way, it would involve getting money from my relatives (to be fair most of whom know about whats going on in the writing / movie world with me and my mother) and I just hate doing that. I hate accepting or asking money from anyone and it bothers me to no fucking end to have to borrow or just take free money off people who worked hard for it, even if it would be very easy for me to pay them back in the future, or even if its for a good cause, like my 'education'.

I really dislike how I have to get this piece of paper telling me I'm educated, how my family expects me to, and how I'll never be able to date an inteligent grad student girl if I'm out of school and have no degree, or how I'll have to be a genuis of a writer to actually teach as a professor at a university if I don't get a PHD in something. It just seems like such a huge blowout that no matter how inteligent I already am I need a piece of paper to prove it and then, only then will I have a shot at getting the actual job I want with my life. Of course there is the 'just be a writer since you've already gotten your break' option, but I can't help but feel lazy or stupid then. Blah I hate emotion, and thoughts. Go away!

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back from the bus stop, turns out I won't be participating in the Bascom Hill snowball fight today as buses are not running. What a disapointment. :[

Ive written poetry lately, enjoy.

-John

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She never writes good poetry

and I can never tell her why. I
can never explain that her sylables are
not silhouettes, her mouth does not
move when she types each word, she
does not pronouce those words alloud.

She is detached from her poetry,
a surgeon with mask watching her patient
lay still on a hospital bed.

Snow

I met her at the Bascom Hill
snowball fight. It was a civil war,
the kind of war you read about
in your 2nd grade history class
wondering if Jenny will say
'Hi' to you at lunch today.

But of course, she won't,
and this girl won't call me back,
despite our brutal struggle
as comrades on the battlefield.