Go down to the netherworld; plant grapes.

Hello. (and sorry my title doesn't link to a song, it is 1 Samuel 15:23 - By the Mountain Goats)

Today is thanksgiving, and not much is happening today, nor has it happened in the past few days. I had some class, and some work to get done, but now I largely have nothing going on.

Since my update I've spent most of my time at work on a paper due on Tuesday, and my article. From that point I had a ton of poetry editing to finish as there is another relevant competition coming up that I should be submitting to, and I feel like I have a good shot at winning it. I've played a fair bit of Magic, as the State Championship is coming up in a couple weeks and I want to be as prepared as I can, considering the tournament is literally at my back door as far as events go, and is like a 20 minute bike ride or a simple 5 minute car ride to the event. I decided that this year Im going to care less whether I win or lose. I'm just going to play a deck that I personally enjoy, that makes me feel good or laugh, and just socialize and have a good time with my friends.

I really dislike this time of year. Not only do I have a dislike for the winter time (aside from being able to wear a scarf, its like my only savior...) Holidays always bum me out hardcore. I've never had a family that really celebrated the holidays as a family. My father would make something to eat, we'd eat it. That was thanksgiving. It wasn't really a special occasion (not saying it has to be or even I want it to be) but seeing so many other people happy when I am literally going to the store to buy some food to cook for myself is probably the most depressing thing ever (at least on paper) and I feel like just going to sleep and waking up in a few months when people aren't talking about all the great time they spent with their family and good food they ate. I've spent every holiday since I moved out of my parents house alone, and that is just the way it has been. My mother lives many many hundreds of miles away, and my father is someone I'd rather not associate myself with, my brother found a friend's family to spend thanksgiving with, and Madison is spending it with his family (his sister I believe) as well. Katrina is having family, people are out of town to go back to their families and friends, and I am in my apartment writing poetry and eating alone.

=(

There are good things though, it isn't all bad. I am healthy, and overall, happy. I have my own place, an income, and in months I'll be shopping for a place of my own, and a I'll be *real* writer. Not sure what about being published or successful makes you 'real' but I will be. This time of year last year I was getting scans for cancer, generally unhappy, having troubles with my relationships of others, working at a department store and not in school. Today I am proud of the work I've done, and that should be enough to make me happy, at least for now. I met a pretty cool girl (you know who you are) AND I am starting to enjoy gaming on a casual level, a huge step for me, as I've only ever gamed to win, never to just enjoy the game. So I'm very happy with that. Its just this time of year that gets to me for some reason, but I gotta pick myself up.

Anywho, that is all. =)

-John