Oh Cheri, Oh Cheri no more.

Today was pretty uneventful, though it all ended very pleasantly.

I woke up very early to read a text I had missed from my ex Katrina. It seemed like she was freaking out about something, so I gave her a call around the time she normally wakes up to make sure shes doing ok. It feels sort of stupid to be doing something so nice for her, especially considering all I've had to go through, but really I don't wish anything badly on her. Her current boyfriend is a completely fucking failure apparently and does nothing in the way of nice things for her. I'm sorry but if you are in a 'relationship' with someone, if you are 'boy friend and girlfriend' then regardless of what you think, if one of you is depressed and upset the other really should actively do something to remedy that. Damn near every time I could at any point in my relationships with friends or otherwise I've gone out of my way to make them feel happy. I cannot see what mr. Kyle could possibly be thinking if he can't at least be there for her. At the same time, I feel pretty stupid for picking up his slack by calling Katrina to make her feel better (I only new anything was even wrong because my blogger told me she had updated her blog and it was a very...visceral entry) especially when I generally want as little to do with her as possible. Its not like I hate her or don't want to be her friend, I just want to move on. Yes, it was a two year period in my life, yes, I enjoyed the time I spent with her a lot, but I have other things going on I must attend to. I feel like playing the caring boyfriend is not longer in my job description, I'm reserving that for a future endeavor.

Another thing that I was thinking about was how some people look at my poetry so literally. When I write a poem, unless you could specifically apply an instance to me, I would generally say that none of my poems are about myself. My poems are *faceless people*, it is displaying interaction, the usage of the first person is just my preferred way of getting a point across. These poems are not about me, jeeze. >.>

Ok sure, sometimes they are, but its a fun guessing game when you know that not all of them are eh?

Maybe I finally get it, you know, what that 'feeling' is. I'm not a feely type in general, I'm fairly analytical and like to use critical theory to solve problems, but what is this...butterflies? Oh if only I had the ability to write a Shakespearean sonnet now; I feel like a 3rd grader to say the least. I can't really remember the last time I had a crush like this. (Sure I can, but that was some years ago) There is always some degree of excitement when you meet someone who fits a general schemata of things. Intelligence? Check. Attractiveness? Check. Alright I guess its time to get to know you! Oh I'm silly, let me tell you - but I can't help but feel enthralled at moments like these. It is so rare for me to really find someone who I can communicate with (let alone tolerate for extended periods of time) mostly because I have high standards, but that's my own problem I guess. I'm just excited I suppose. :D

Lately I've felt like magic has become a tad tiresome. I'm sort of tired of spending money on it, even if I largely make it back actually playing. I'd rather just have 80$ lying around on my counter than spending it on a tournament and then doing well in that tournament and winning it back. Its sort of a weird ebb and flow that I am not so fond of anymore. This GP will likely mark the last of the big magic events for me for a while. I want to get my ass in gear on more writing based stuff (I've been slacking lately) and really push myself towards that stardom of being a famous author and whatnot. Plus, theres always round two for gaming when Starcraft 2 comes out right? (KIDDING)

I did plan on taking Starcraft 2 seriously when it came out, working with that same fervent pace I once did in RTS games of old, though I realize I am 20, I'm not a little kid. Putting aside this dream seems a lot more inteligent than chasing it in this case. But who knows, I may still go for it. Regardless, I'll certainly play SC2, maybe just not as a job this time. ;]

I had a pretty sweet phone conversation with Arielle today involving natural affinity for this or that, and how easy it is to destroy yourself / tear yourself down over things you can't do all that much about. Im no masochist, but I do beat myself up over losing in Magic / Starcraft / Anything when I really can't do much about it. Sure, maybe I could have trained for another six hours, but would I have won that match if I did? Probably not. I've never been the best at anything I've done, I've always been really really good, above average, or a known player. I could never take it to that level of being a champion. But who needs it anyway?

I'm going to the screamin' Cyn Cyn and the Pons concert with Arielle on Monday! Whoohoo! I have not seen Shane perform in some time so I really do hope they go all out for this concert. I believe its their first concert back as the pons, as Shane was taking off for his own one man show for a while. Not to mention I get to introduce Arielle to a thumping, loud, awesome indy show. Hopefully she will enjoy herself enough to want to go to other shows with me, and if not have interest in other indy shows at least she'll have had a good time.

This post ended up being huge O_O

-John