yep

Moving on from this blog, it served me well. I tend to have a blog for each period of time in my life.

http://joseki.tumblr.com

I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fuckin' scared of him~

Oh dear, the life of John.

Here it is again, I am reminded you exist blog solely by the actions and comments of others (You know who you are facebook photo creeper lady) and I am again typing...typing...typing.

On my way to Sarahs in 30...more on that later @_@;;

so Starcraft 2, thats really all it boils down to. I have a real life job for the time being, until my contract to play Sc2 for a salary goes through, at which point I will have the ability to pretty much devote all of my time to perusing this game that I love so much. The contract is signing me for 3.5k a month to 5k a month depending on my performance within the team and whatnot. Pretty exciting stuff, too bad I can't start telling the whole wide world yet (god damn NDA's =/)

Things are swimming by like usual. I haven't had a ton of time for friends as unsurprisingly enough I have tons of shit to do that is gaming related even while not gaming which is unfortunate. Hopefully all that clears up and I can focus on playing as much as possible in the future which would be sick.


3oh!3 is awesome, that is all.

-John

Those eyes you know, I think of them still sometimes. But you're away in Eden, and I'm still here the heathen. This time's for real, we're even.

Hey everyoneeeeeeee,

So another birthday (I can't think of the word 'birth' anymore without hearing Katrina say "Im going to planned parenthood to get mah BIRFcontrol"T_T) has come and gone. It was fun, I had a pretty good day overall. Sarah and I are in some fight, so we didn't hang out but I got to get up pretty early, go to the mall and eat cool asian food, then played a bunch of DDR, then I got to play in two tournaments. The first I punted to forgetting Stim in the mid-game in TvT when I was hugely advantaged to win (I was into round 5 as well...) and the 2nd was a tournament casted by Day9. Ofc I got the worst matchup/map possible and quickly got dispatched. Afterward Collin took me and Madison out for dinner at Vientiane palace for my birthday! So overall it was a fun day.

The title also links to a fucking fantastic song I discovered.

Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench, and when I press the keys it all gets reversed. The sound of loneliness makes me happier.

Why did Bright Eyes only make one good album anyway? How mean is that.

Practice went really well this week, along with some good developments in coding the website for my clan. Mostly just enjoying life. Its really nice out and I'd like to maybe go downtown and play my guitar on state street. Im too shy to do it alone I'd need a backup singer haha.

I have the craft cup in a couple hours, 1st place takse 50$ so hopefully I can snag it this week. Last week I made it all the way to the finals before throwing it!

Ive been really in love with Defiance, Ohio again lately. God, how do they do it? Its like, the best ever lyrics ever. That coupled with Bright Eyes and Danielle ate the Sandwich is seriously enough to make me cream my panties all day.

Sarah is in Chicago this weekend for...a thing, of some kind. I feel guilty because Im not exactly sure what shes doing but shes hanging out with her BFF Kyle (how ironic) and seeing some music she likes with him. Either way I get a weekend of mass SC2 so it works out OK. Though I do miss seeing her already hehe.

Sarah is really cool in a weird way. Shes so human O_O;;

-John

We're talented and bright // We're lonely an uptight

The last couple days have been nice. Been playing in lots of SC2 tournaments, made it to the semi-finals of won and scored 75$ (whoohoo!)and lost to OHSHIFT 0-2. My TvP matchup is really mediocre right now. In fact, the only matchup I really like playing and feel very confident about is TvZ, but I need to work on that.

I got to hang out with Sarah a bunch on Tuesday night (I slept over) which was cool. We got pizza de roma at like 2am and watched this crazy tv show about the Metal Apocalypse. O_O

Ive been working for iCCup TV for a couple weeks now and Im really displeased with how a lot of it is progressing. Pat from iCCup wants me to be their golden goose of some sort, basically the 'voice' of iccup, but I really want to be a top tier player, not a top tier commentator. =(

Anyway, I haven't spent any time with anyone ever that isnt Madison, Sarah, or Collin in like two months. Im starting to feel like I have no friends haha. =P

I'm unconsoled, I'm lonely, I am so much better than I used to be.

Hello blog.

Its been some time, really. I haven't really needed you, or wanted you but that's the nice thing about blogs (and friends, I suppose) that they're there when you want them, and now early in the morning after sleeping for 3 hours (I couldn't sleep much for once, no clue why) I am blogging. Maybe I'll do it more, or maybe I won't, we'll see.

Live has been extremely busy, especially for someone who claims to have a laid back life style, who's barely worked a day in his life, and for someone who cares far too little about responsibility, or being adult, or anything like that. Starcraft 2 is out, and after committing what seems like the better part of my life locked up in a cold basement playing a 2d strategy game I am now spending the 2nd half of the better part of my life locked up in my apartment playing a 3d strategy game and making a fair bit of money doing so. Sure I made money the first time around, but nothing like I'll be raking in now. I can't decide if its worth it though, its almost depressing as I pass in skill player after player pushing the limits of this game already. I got to rank 2 in a week. What the hell?

Nothing much has changed about me dear. I still sleep like a rock for 10 hours or more if left alone, I rarely do things I'm supposed to do or that I'm responsible to do, I'm a flake and care more about my 'job' and gaming than I do other people, and I still feel guilty for not being in school. Really, nothing much has changed, except that I'm happy. I feel like that has to account for something in the world. You know, I try to keep the apartment clean, I take care of Butters and see Sarah from time to time. She says she loves me.

Resentment for what you've done in the past, or things you could have been or done is deeply the most troubling thing I've ever experienced really, and now that I'm past it and able to act with a certain clarity I don't feel I've had since high school. I realize that I may not be the best boyfriend right now, and Starcraft 2 seems like a silly thing to commit my time to, and maybe I'm just a boy and that girl will never be right for me. Those with college educations and real jobs just levels above me, I really can't say right now. I haven't written a poem in months.

It all seems to be a complicated dream of dignity. A place where awkward belongs. =)

---

Her fingers dragged on the seams
of my slim jeans, a network of
tiny gaps and grids. A maze
for germs, or a place to
stare blankly at an endlessly
repeating pattern.

The four was never a hybrid
bus, it was decrepit; the ghetto
lined with the humiliation of age,
guzzling gasoline on the poorly paved
tar streets of Madison. It still had
that electric robot voice though,

"Oak, at East Washington."

The bus was a real gentlemen. She
had paid for dinner again and
I had slept through our plans.
My excitement dwindled, I could
do very little about the persistent
tapping of my chucks against the
plastic flooring of the bus.

She wrapped her arms around my
ribcage. I always missed that feeling
the most.

A Fearless Inventory

A Fearless Inventory

Laying on top of her back
it was in moments like these
that I am terrified. Those sharp
beating steps of my heart thumping
at her shoulder blade. My lips
are a softer flesh, like any flesh
demanding friction.

I am terrified of telling
someone over the phone that
I will not come and see you because
it is not convenient for me, and no
matter how much I tell you I still
like you I can't bring myself to
walk a third of a mile to make you smile.

I will decline to explain to my roommate
or to anyone else that the sickness that
was given to me is terrifying, or that
it rots me from the inside like termites
and eventually I will be nothing if I
cannot control myself.

I am terrified that "She" will fail,
that no one cares about she, or her,
and although I never say the names
of you in my work, you will be lost
forever in encrypted layers of data
attached to a five year old computer.

If my memory and knowledge are my
most important things, then I am
terrified of losing them. A sickness,
this Alzheimer's or dementia, I am
losing my mind considering it.

Am I just a lightning rod, or am I still breathing?

Hi blog.

Life has been oh so fun lately! And by oh so fun, I pretty much feel like killing myself right in this current moment. But what could be afflicting me so? You, reader, will never know.

The last few days have gone by pretty quickly. I don't make many plans for the coming week as my magical cards schedule is quite devoid of much activity at all. Either way, yesterday was Madison's birthday so we went out to TGI fridays. Madison is 21 so he had a lot too much to drink. I enjoyed my mediocre burger of sorts while mostly shooting the shit with Nicole and Madison the whole time.

The day prior involved going over to Sarah's to watch a couple movies of the Starwars trilogy, drink beer, and hang out with her immobile roommate Chris, who broke his leg. It was really entertaining rewatching Starwars (hadn't seen them in some time) and then we basically slept and spent the entire next day in bed, which was pretty awesome.

Gotta pay rent tomorrow, have to do the dishes. Sarah and I have plans on Tuesday which is fun.

An astronaut could have seen the hunger in my eyes from space.

It is 4am! I'm going to catch a bus in two hours to go home and sleep. Sleep, what an...alluring word right now. But really, how has life been John?

Friday night Collin ended up staying over and we made the most of it by drinking soda (sigh) and playing HoN. We did some arbitrary talking about our personal lives and talk of oatmeal cream pies. What?

Ultimately I went to bed at 3am, and slept till about 11am when I woke up and ate a bunch of leftover pancakes Collin had from when he went out to breakfast with his mother while I sleeping. I wrote a couple poems I had drempt up and prompty began jamming more video games with Collin. At some point on facebook I noticed that Jaz had a status about a pons concern so I inquired with the details. Collin was excited at the prospect of going, naturally as both of us are huge fans (hes never seen them live however). At some point Sarah Skype'd me and complained a bit about her sickness while I bragged about this sweet concert I was going to. It ultimately convinced her and around 9pm Collin and I met her there. The pon's opening band, Buttfunnel was terribad. We drank beer and sat around waiting for the pons to start. The show was very enjoyable, and I really want them to release a new album with all the songs I don't have on it officially. Mostly because I want to listen to songs about Cat ladies and creepy women who have many year long lusting after guys she had a one night stand with. Yes, I want this.

Afterwards I went back to Sarah's place and spent the night, which was fun, as expected. We spent like five hours talking about some enormous caste of topics. I woke up fully around 11:30 am before taking the bus home. Madison, after calling me to tell me how he wanted to hang out flaked and did something else with some of his friends from highschool who I don't know particularly well, so I ended up finishing up this week's article and going over to Collins to eat dinner and chill. Fun weekend. I plan on going to MATC tomorrow too to see if its possible to sneak into at least one class for the semester, even if its already started late. Being bored is the worst. OH, and I could stand to find a 2nd job, mostly because I have so much freetime.

-John

If we're not horses, what are we then?

It is friday at 5:40pm, my date flaked out on me, Madison and George are both out at friend's houses, and I am working on my manuscript while periodically forum'ing and reading V. by Thomas Pynchon. Whoo?

Here is some poetry.

Father is a man who
stood at the foot of my bed,
shouting as I stared at the
floor sitting cross legged.

Her father was different,
yet in a sense the same
as the dozens of hands
inserted needles, placed
a respirator over his mouth,
or clasped together to pray.

The hospital roof made for
a better waiting room. I was
only waiting to hear he was
dead.

She cried later that night, but
I couldn't. I didn't cry for
my father either.

--

She pushed her
ear to my ribcage. Dear
boy's bones, those sickly
protectors of my lungs
couldn't protect me.

We are the chosen few - we reek of our futures. No matter how hard we try we can't run.

Hello blog.

The last couple days have been just fine, nothing to special really just working + hanging out with Madison and Kalen.

Nothing too much on the schedule for the rest of the weekend, I'm hanging out with Jason Myatt and playing cards tonight and have plans to see Sarah on Friday. Saturday there is a PTQ in Detroit but honestly I'd much rather see Sarah and not be in a car for 13 hours over the course of 2 days so it was a pretty easy choice, especially considering I'm a little magic'd out from having literally traveled every weekend for the last 2 months, and I'd like a few week break (Its the last weekend of PTQs before the new set is out)before getting back on the road to play infinite.

The last two nights have been filled with getting shot by airsoft guns, hooters, perkins, Texas roadhouse (aka mediocre suburban food) and pain. Its so unreal how into physical pain our group is (in a weird way) we are consistently taking physical and mental challenges against one another. Drink a Gallon of milk in an hour? Check, get shot by extremely powerful airsoft guns? Check. Eat habenero peppers? Check. I am literally amazed at all of the moderately unenjoyable things that we do just for the hell of it. But hey, I somehow find it enjoyable. I'm weird?

Not too much to say really, I have an article to write tonight before I sleep (I haven't even freakin started) and some forum moderation to do. Then I actually want to go into a coma forever because I am not interested in being airsofted to death again. T_T

-John

All the small defeats the day demands...

And since we last left our hero...

IM BORED.

Yes, yes, not too much has been going on in the world of John, but since Thursday morning I've found myself doing minimal work, but working out more than average due to lack of things to do. You see usually I work out every other day, but I've worked out every day this week. Yes, my life really is that boring.

I've done a ton of work on "She" my poetry manuscript I plan to get sent off asap. Its about 160 poems long currently, hopefully I can add a couple winners on the end. The book itself is a time line of every girl who has made a significant enough impact on my life that I have written at least one poem about her or something I've done with her. The title comes from the fact that every single female in everything I've ever written I always refer to as "She" and never a factual name, which is kind of odd, but seems more poetic. I like it, and I've spent enough time on the damn manuscript that hopefully its worth its weight when being bound together.

Last night Kalen Madison and I went out to Perkins at 2am to eat the exact same thing we always eat when we go to Perkins - The sunrise burger. It is literally just a hamburger with hash browns and eggs thrown on top, yet somehow I still slather it in ketchup and devour it (along with the literally infinity fries the damn thing comes with) then we order pie, of which I'm never thrilled to eat because I have a dainty girl stomach that fills rather easily. After wards we went to Walmart and sifted through the 5$ movie bin for hours. Be Kind Rewind was in there, score!

And then I promptly passed out. Whee?

Today involved laundry, dishes, working out, and playing tons of online games. Why is it the one night that Madison and George are both out I can find no one to come over or no one to hang out with at their place? How awful. :/

-John

How I don't know what I should do with my hands when I talk to you. How you don't know where you should look, so you look at my hands.

Good morning, world.

Yesterday was pretty sweet, I woke up pretty early (around 9:30) and finished up most of my work at TCG player regarding doing some reformatting of their online forum and fixing up how they had structured some of the forum along with writing a 3,000 word article about pretty much nothing at all. Being a writer online by deadline has made me appreciate just how fucking hard it is to actually produce content that individuals are willing to read. At first I expected that any puke you write will get generally positive reviews and people will pretty much always comment on it, and its the decklists//material in question that will matter most. It was fortunate that I always put my good foot forward writing content that I could actually be proud of, or I definitely would have been out of a job. The community definitely calls you out on being a fucker, whether it be your arrogance in writing or lack of skill thereof.

So after being up for a while Jason Myatt came over and we played HoN (I mostly taught him stuff, hes new) online for four or so hours before Sarah had IM'd me asking if I was interested in hanging out. Of course, I was so I went downtown with Jason and we played some cards at the store (I won all my games muahahah) which went fine. Jasper was unusually arrogent, Ben in a good mood, and Dan Howard seemed fine as well, short the part where he explained getting laid off. Its always hugely annoying when friends of mine lose their job like that, always bums me out a bit even if Im not particularly good friends with Dan.

From NW I went to Sarahs, which was a pretty easy walk all in all, and I was able to find it with little difficultly minus the slight bit of getting lost and a weird tiff with a hobo. We watched some crazy Japanese movie with her (mostly sleeping) roommate Chris who recently found himself completely bound to his chair unable to move. He broke his leg something terrible, so hes just sort of unable to really do anything forever. Regardless, the movie was really bizarre but also pretty entertaining, it involved a girl who was obsessed with the hedonism and whatnot from the rococo era of France, and her really butch friend and their adventures, largely including frilly 'baby' clothes and motorcycles and rediculous over the top humor. But, I'm a sucker for that kind of thing.

Afterwards we went to a small gathering of Sarah's friends on the other side of the capitol. Her friends were pretty cool, and we spend a couple of hours shooting the shit mostly talking about Blob Fish, Old Commercials/board games, people dying in apartments (those are the three most memorable topics, I mean Im sure we discussed other random stuff) but all in all it was not awkward at all and I felt fine about my interactions with them so thumbs up for not being rediculously socially awkward and failing at human interaction. Whoot! Afterwards I went back to Sarah's (like two AM) and we slept, I had to get up early (7am) to give George back his buspass that I snatched from him since I'm not in school this semester. Which, leaves me here. In the warmth of my meager apartment, alone.

It ain't so bad though.

-John

---

Through the maze of twisting streets,
your apartment complex aloft the
fire steps - we trudged up. The
neighbors below you, their cigarettes
are the air; your cigarette is my air.

I hear murmurs of "She's not your type."
and laugh. When you ask "What?"
I smile and nod,
"Oh, nothing."

Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum?

Hiya world.

The tournament I attended went pretty well. Another 6-2 performance yet again (sigh) but I did have a lot of fun hanging out with Collin, Madison, and Jason the whole weekend. I am playing the same deck again this weekend in Chicago so hopefully things go slightly smoother there (maybe a victory? haha)

Sarah ended up coming over to my place on Monday, and of course I was retardedly nervous for pretty much no reason at all. I loosened up as the night wore on, and we watched Pirates 2 (yes, the porn) while drinking the wine she had brought over. It was really fun and she ended up staying the night. She seems a bit crazier than most of the girls I date in that shes not really a straight shooter I suppose. But maybe its good to try dating someone who is a bit faster paced than what Im used to? All in all I liked her a lot, and I got the same impression back from her which was nice. xD

So for now I'm just doing my own thing (working on an article and testing) and Jason Myatt is going to pick me up for some Burrito action at Qudoba (strangely erotic...) and playing Magic. Hopefully I can not spend too much time thinking about this girl I just hung out with? =P

Thanks for reading.

-John

When our trails are marked by sorrow, we still smile and say "Hello."

Hi blog, I've taken a small break from you it seems.

Life has been progressing as expected, really not all that much going on to be honest. Maybe that's why I haven't been as adamant about updating this small little corner of cyberspace (oh I lust for the truth in the thought of this blog actually being one of the four corners of cyberspace) however I've found myself staying busy with some work and some good times with friends. Generally my day consists of waking up around 7-10am, working out, walking to Copps for breakfast and figuring out something non-computer related to do for the day. I'm not enrolled for school this next semester so I'm sort of just doing whatever. Not being productive for once as my lack of educational structure leaves me not knowing really how I should be procuring my time.

But really, what are the highlights, John? What are the things that have happened in the last two weeks that really matter to you, and you know, are interesting?

-I've been playing in MTG PTQs. I went 6-2 in Minneapolis this last weekend and am playing in Indianapolis as well. Sunday I plan on winning, whoo.

-Been hanging out with the general caste of people. Katie and I have seen eachother a lot lately.

-I have plans with a girl named Sarah, shes pretty coolio.

More to come, promise.

-John