I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns, slowly.

Hello world.

Oh things...they are so uneventful. Human interaction is such an intricate web, so complex, so silly. As smart as I want to be, or think I am I can never quite grasp certain things, though lately I've been far less frustrated at my incompetence.

I've found that Erykka and Jasper broke up. I was actually very disheartened to hear this, as much as things were complex, or stupid between Jasper and I, and the bizarre fighting that happened over Erykka was stupid, but regardless, I am sad that they broke up. All that drama, a lost friend (and someone who I feel could have been so much more than a friend, a best friend even) and now they are apart. I don't know any details, and I'm not that interested in knowing. The fact that Erykka and I parted on negative terms now means its unlikely I'll ever get my book back, or she'll ever get some clothing she dumpstered from my house. I'll just have these things on my shelf until I clean them out, and who knows when that is. Interestingly enough, for only the short month or two I knew Erykka, I told her things that I had never told anyone in my entire life, perhaps thats the only real connection I feel. She seems competent at keeping secrets though and I trust that they are being kept.

I went over to Katrina's house tonight to get my hair cut. We hung out for about an hour and a half I'm guessing. It was probably the highlight of my day, but she seemed less than thrilled to have spent any time with me. It is probably the best that way, my interest in her will dwindle faster if she doesn't care about my company. Its hard to throw those past two years away, those individual days. I am guilty for all of it.

I am tired, and I feel negatively about the world somehow. My poetry has been reflecting change, I want it so bad.

The wheels were of a locomotive,
a cycling steel horse with fleshy muscles
pounding against the metal spurs -
giddy up.

I had traced my way to your house on the sky,
like a trapese artist walking along the dipping
and rising powerlines I followed the usual route.
It is like I could smell you from outside your window,

laying peacefully your eyes neglected to
open at the gust of wind with my arrival.
I wanted murder.
I felt sick, and stumbled home in the darkness.