And I'll drink myself to death, or at least, I'll drink myself to sleep. Chain-smoke my way through the gaps in between my aspirations and my apathy.

Good morning, cold and beatiful world.

I did not sleep last night, and I do not anticipate going to be at all today, as doing so would certainly gurentee a repeat of this sleep cycle I'm currently caught in, so I'll just have to man it out for a day being very tired. =)

I stayed up doing a lot of fun little things, for a few hours Madison and I worked on magic the gathering decks on magic workstation while talking about girls/friends/food.  We are good on paying the rent this month, and are doing so today once I go to the bank and get my paycheck, and george gives us his share.  Rent is 540$ a month, which is really not that bad in all honesty, and makes things pretty easy split three ways.   Once my FA comes, it will be extremely easy to pay.

After Madison went to bed, I did a load of poetry stuff (mostly writing, but a fair share of editing too) and reviewing/submitting my work on www.zoetrope.com - a nice little writers workshop website for adult minds.  Some of the writers who submit even go on to get published, and there is a nice read/review system to ensure all poet's works are reviewed by multiple other poets.  I submitted "Seattle to Chicago" because I feel like its one of the more enticing pieces I've written lately.  I feel like it really captures the ambiance of the train ride, of the solitute in the night time, and that feeling that we get as humans to be pulled away from slumber, and insted finding outselves staring at the stars.  It's a feeling I've often experiance, and one I've grown accustomed to, and even to love.  

Hanging out with Katie has gotten a lot less stressfull, which is nice.  We've been having a fair amount of fun just talking/hanging out, and last night she brought over a bunch of avacadoes and we made guac. with some lightly salted corn chips, which was rather declicious.

I had somewhat of a depressing conversation with Jaz on aim.  We weren't talking about anything relavent at all (I think it was a conversation about Shabazz, and her defence of it, though I wasn't making an argument against it, I just feel some people use it as a cop-out for easier schooling, where as others geniunely are against the judgemental environments of the standard school system, but I digress) but right before she left she said something about smoking cigarettes before sleeping.  I made some tick-tack sized comment about how smoking is bad for you, and we got into a mildly depressing "My life sucks" talk (her on the depressing side) and that its only getting worse for her, and its not like smoking matters at this point.  I was on the side of the fact that every step you can make towards improving your life is worthwhile, and even if the circumbstances don't permit, you can always tentatively improve your outlook, even with abusive parents, social problems, etc.  Regardless, it was a weird conversation, and I can't help but realize how fortunate I've been in life.  While my father is a drug addict of sorts (to emotional control pills, pain killers etc) I was never under the knowledge that he was a substance abuser, nor did I ever really have a "bad" childhood.  Sure, my father had some anger issues, but I was never abused by anyone physically or sexually, I've had two close friends all my life since I can remember, and have had decent relationships with women, never did anything illegal to the point where I got in trouble, was taught the value of books, education, and inteligence (somewhat on my own) and have had only great relationships with women.   At the end of it all, I feel *spoiled* which is a strange feeling to have, considering I've never thought of it like that, but in comparison to some people's lives who must feel like nothing has ever gone right for me, I feel lucky.  

I'm not sure how I'll spend today.  Likely, Im going to spend a fair share more time just lazing around the internet, doing not much of anything until someone calls me to hang out, or just to talk, in which case I'll oblige.  I'm not sure what anyone's plans are today, but its a sunday so I can imagine I'll find somthing to do.  If all else fails I can just bike/bus downtown and do a little window shopping/friending with randoms.  I could use a slice of mac n' cheese pizza in my life, m thinks.  

I spent a lot of time on my computer tonight optimizing it to run as fast as possible on its lowly 256MB of Ram, 40GB HD, shitty graphics card self, and I'm actually quite impressed with I've managed to get it to run.  Between using the lowest possible memory of each program I like to use respectively (AIM adhacked and downgraded in version, Firefox replaced for the browser Opera, using Foobar2000 as my media player, etc) and generally cleaning out all the bullshit that was around, the computer actually runs at a decent rate, and is a respectable machine for pretty much all the most basic of things.  Shapiro and I talked about this TI-83 calculator I own, and the possibilty of trading it for one of his old computers, which actually sounds like a decent trade, granted the computer isn't total dogshit, and I can potentially get the system disks to format it.  Its a 100GB HD, 2GB Ram, flatscreen monitor, the whole shabang machine for 100$ basically (the cost of the calculator) which is very reasonalbe, and would be a welcomed addition to our home, as I could upgrade for the time being while giving madison this computer, and allowing him to not be bored when George and I are both home!

I found a pretty sweet band over the course of the night.  They're named "Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains" and he/they are fucking *amazing*.  I've been listening to the only two CDs in existance, plus a live show of it and I can say it definately has that awesome Defiance, Ohio quality to it that Punk/Folk should, and at the same time is lyrically unique, and very fast paced, which I love.  The front-man of the band who is basically the whole band, started a new musical project called  The Wingnut Dishwasher's Union, which I havn't been able to find a torrent for as far as music is concerned, but hopefully I can without having to spent the whole 6$ to get their CD online. >.<  

Anywho, off to do more irrelavent things with my day! ;D